hot and bothered

darling m, it's always a pleasure to hear from you. it's a balmy day today and i'm feeling hot and bothered, and can write only now in this state because i have no internet connection at home, but only when i come to visit my mom's house. so i write, but i will keep this short, and i am afraid i may not be able to give justice to your wonderfully long and thoughtful letter. thanks for the link to your latest project. i was fascinated. at first glance it was darlkly futuristic, looking much like it belongs on blade runner. your making of series was very insightful although i was lost. electronics baffle me. your work is beautiful and i am so happy you are showing it and developing your ideas all the time. me i find i am experiencing an existential crisis. i wonder if i am an architect or could ever be one. i have been feeling terribly down of late because i did poorly in design subjects last year. and i deserved to do poorly too. i find that i am lost where designing is concerned, and i don't know what to do. except that i have told myself i will keep asking for the next year, why are you an architect? i need my answer to this question. your career as a visual jockey sounds exciting. your visual communication skills are astounding, i still remember clearly your description of your very visually playful dreams. too bad it's going to be short lived - or is it? i'm sorry to hear of your loneliness. do you think it helps you be creative? i have once or twice thought to myself that maybe it is because i am so content in my love life that my work life is suffering. my energies are otherwise expended and i have little left to pour into my work. what a stupid thought, really, it would be tragic if it were true. however, addressing your queries on the artist's state of mind, i do think that in order to play a soulful tune or paint a deeper than pretty picture, or write gut wrenching words, the artist has to feel. and suffering is for most the deepest part of feeling. for me at least i know it is. i remember so very little of life, and dismay over it. but i remember well ills i've suffered and dismay more over this. but it's how my mind works. and love. well, i don't think i'm even going there. not now when i'm hot and bothered. hey i'll write again soon ok? i am off to tasmania on sunday. will tell you about it. love love love, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx